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Story #2


Never Give Up, Never Surrender

Written by Mr. X | March 6, 2008

So a bunch of my buddies plan a trip to Mardi Gras. They rent an RV for like 8 guys, grab some kegs, bottles, the works...You all know how it goes. They're adequately prepared for a solid time. They get down there, park a ways off the main strip, start balling out. Fast forward 48 hours. Everyone's hammered, blind drunk, lost in the crowds, no-one brought cell phone chargers, so at this point who the fuck knows what's going on. One of my friends, real Jack Daniels lover, he's coming out of a solid blackout from the night before and he meets up with this girl he knows. Now she's trully hammered. If it weren't Mardi Gras, we'd be talking 100% F minus drunk. But hey, it's Mardi Gras, anything goes. So she's all over my friend, she wants him: "Where you staying? Lets go there!" So it's around 9 in the morning and they're on their way, stumbling to his RV, and all of a sudden, my friend has to piss. Real bad. Normally, this is ok. Just pee on the side of the road right? Well, if you do that during mardi gras, you go directly to jail, you do not pass go, and your fucked. It's complete F minus because if you do manage to get arrested, you are forced to stay in prison till post mardi gras celebration. Now he's too drunk to stop, risk getting fucked by the law, and potentially blow this hookup. He pisses himself. Very garbarrassing. Oh, and if you haven't figured it out yet, there are no showers when your staying in an RV at Mardi Gras. So they're still walking back, she notices, but he plays it well: "I spilled a beer on myself." I guess she was cool with this explanation, because onward they go. They get to the RV, and its empty, and locked. My friend thinks for a second and decides, I pissed myself, a locked RV is no reason to abort this mission. He busts a window, clears the glass, climbs through, and lets her in. So now they're in the RV, they're making out, they're hooking up, they're getting a little bit naughty, he's taking off his piss-soaked pants, when all of the sudden she throws it out there. "Ummm, its that time of the month." So you're probably thinking what I thought when I heard this. Oh no, absolute F- disaster. "Did you do it?" asks I. He says, Are you fucking kidding me? Of course I did.

Captain Garbarrassing's Response:

Mr X, we at salute you and your glorious efforts. Unfortunately, you are still garbarrassing, but hey, it happens to the best of us. By the way...about that girl you boned...It's very possible she knew you pissed yourself and just didn't care. She is much more garbarrassing than you are for going through with it, and apparently was just as desperate to get laid as well. Congrats! Mission accomplished.

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