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Rant #11



Written by Captain Garbarrassing | August 25, 2008

Yet another day has passed, and I have recovered from yet another hungover, self-commiserating (hating myself) morning. ok, who am I kidding, afternoon.

Let's get down to business...thats right, you know when I'm down to just my socks, its business time. And fucking A, I'm down to just my socks... Soooooo, moving's garbarrassment is: women's bicycles! Or should I say, men's bicycles also. Why don't you take a look at the below photo, and tell me on a scale of 1 to 10, how gay it looks for a man to be riding this.

You win! I as well gave this image a 9.embarrassing on the gayness scale! But let me ask you, why are mens' and womens' bikes even different? That was a rhetorical question, so please sit back and listen to me talk more. When I look at a bike, I'm immediately assessing the potential of nut-bashing and rating on a scale of 10 = mimimal nut-bashing potential, all the way to 1 = suicide by repeated hits to the balls. Thats right folks, the I-can't-breathe,I- am- repeatedly- smashing- my- nuts- into- the- crossbar- of- a- male- bike- kill- myself- garbarrassing- minus- 1- rating. Why would I ride a bike with a horizontal crossbar?

The point is to put your seat up high enough so that your nuts WILL FEEL PAIN when you fall. This is just retarded. Fuck whomever decided this was the way. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for attempting to show off my manliness, but please,let me continue to do this with beer-chugging, liquor-consumption, and weight-lifting. Theres really no reason to sacrifice the scrotal region to a bike ride. So fuck you all, cyclists. Especially you Lance Armstrong, you one-nutted bastard!!


Capt Garbarr

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