Blog #14
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Race Walking
By Captain Garbarrassing | August 21, 2008
Although European Handball is extremely terrible compared to most Olympic sports, Race Walking is the king of crappy competitions. It's difficult to decide where to begin, so let's start with the actual competition itself! Race Walking is a sport where people must get to the finish line by walking really fast, while always having at least one foot touch the ground. If both feet are in the air simultaneously at anytime, it's considered running and the person SHOULD be disqualified.
We'll get a little bit more into the rules later, but let us first discuss the ridiculousness of this garbage that is considered a sport. If you didn't know already, everyone in the world (except paraplegics or those with no legs at all) walks all the time. There is nothing special about walking, even if it is really fast. It's boring to watch, people look retarded doing it, and almost any no talent ass-clown can enter a qualifying race. Race Walking is the dregs of all Olympic sports. Not only does it take little talent, but many participants don't even follow the only rule and NOBODY CARES?!?! Let me explain.
Last night after America won the gold medal in women's volleyball, they decided to show the women's 20 kilometer Race Walking competition. At first I thought it was a joke, but then became quite disappointed when I realized the truth: This is real, and people actually take it seriously enough to make it an Olympic competition. I watched in horror as they filmed people walking, for minutes at a time. Then it got worse.
The announcer explained the rules, mentioning that if the judges see (with the naked eye) that you don't have at least one foot on the ground at all times, you get a red card. If you get three red cards, you are disqualified. Then it happened. They had been filming the woman in first for a while. She was KILLING the competition, so they decided to take a slow motion shot of her feet to demonstrate that she was the real deal. Obviously, she was not the real deal at all. The slow motion shot showed her having both feet off the ground simultaneously, thus breaking the ONLY RULE! She did not get any red cards.
At this point everything became crystal clear. This embarrassment of a sport is not only retarded, but also dominated by those who are the best at breaking the cardinal rule. Those who judged last night's Race Walking competition couldn't even see that the woman in first was cheating! Judges just have one job: MAKE SURE ONE FOOT IS ALWAYS ON THE GROUND! If they couldn't even see that the person far out in front was breaking the rule, how could they possibly tell if anyone else was breaking the rule in the pack of 10-20 girls that followed (one of which would take at least 2nd place)?
Basically, the entire competition is a complete fucking joke. The judges can't possibly enforce Race Walking's only rule, which makes the whole race virtually bullshit. Bill Belichick would be perfect for this competition. However, unlike most of these so-called racers, he would definitely get disqualified
Garbarrassing.com has a message for those who decided to put Race Walking in the Olympics: YOU FUCKED UP, AND YOU SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! GET RID OF THIS ATROCIOUSLY GARBARRASSING EXCUSE FOR A SPORT! I think we are done here. Until next time.
-Captain G
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