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Beauty Pageants | The GARBARRABLOG

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Beauty Pageants


By Captain Garbarrassing | July 14, 2008


In spirit of last night's atrocious Miss Universe Pageant, we decided to vent about why beauty pageants are garbarrassing. If you don't know how the process works let me explain. First, thousands of girls all over the world (ages 18-22) work out, become anorexic or bulimic, and do whatever it takes to look as good as possible. Once they have been critiqued enough and feel ready, they then compete in country wide beauty pageants, where there is only one winner. Now many of these girls are forced into these contests by their parents, or judge themselves so harshly on their looks to the point where looking good has become all that matters in their lives. This means every girl who doesn't win, will become even more emotionally unstable than they already are. The girls who make it to the top and win their national pageant are the only ones eligible to become Miss Universe. Therefore, the Miss Universe Pageant consists of the most gorgeous girls from all over the world who are top of the line when it comes to eating disorders, modeling, and having a well rounded, sexy image. Some of these girls are extremely proficient in the art of sexual bribery as well. After-all, the judging for these competitions are so arbitrary, that in order to make it to the top, you gotta do something to gain that competitive edge (ie. Suck a lot of dick).

So now that you have a better understanding of how these things work, let's get to last night's competition, which was held in Vietnam. Fortunately for me, I am not an avid watcher of pageants, so I actually accidentally found the show on television while flipping through channels. There were only 15 girls left and Jerry Springer was announcing the five girls who would be eliminated. Now I was not surprised to see him hosting because he happens to host shows that put the unintelligent and emotionally insane into the spotlight. To narrow the field down to the final five contestant, each of the ten remaining girls had to come out in night gowns and model them on the walkway. It was looking fantastic, until Miss USA tripped and fell down. Not only did that cost her the entire competition and probably everything she had ever worked for, but it also embarrassed her country. Although I was crying from laughing so hard, I was a little pissed off. George Bush has embarrassed are country enough. The last thing we need is another one of our best fucking up for the whole world to laugh at us even harder.

After there were only five girls left, each girl was asked a question and had 30 seconds to give an answer. Now this is where things became extremely retarded. Each question was extremely subjective and they couldn't answer them in the amount of time given, especially since most of the girls needed a translator. The only question that was answered in full was when one of the judges asked in a very creepy voice "When is a woman fully satisfied?" and then smiled at her like a 50 year old pedophile. I am not one to judge, but this man has probably received many a blowjob from many contestants. Anyway, since no other girl actually answered the question, the girl who answered the creepy judge won it all. So what did she win? She is now a walking advertisement for a year. Not a bad thing for a model, but what about everyone else who worked their asses off (literally)? That is correct!!! They get NOOOOOTHINGGGG.

That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed this weeks blog and remember, if your thinking of doing this for a living, DON'T.



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